fumbling with eigenshit

so, another 4:30am post! last night/morning at this time, joan and i went upstairs to the roof and hung out for a while. in the rain. there are no overhangs up there either; we stood by a wall and clung to its 6 inches of shelter, watching the droplets bombard the empty lighted streets below. circles of illumination that feathered away into the night. the bridge is really pretty out there, blinking at us, yellow and white and sometimes, when you could see them, green streetlights in the haze. we were up there tonight again, joan’s been going up there a lot lately, and the moon was absolutely beautiful. i was looking at the moon when walking home from decadence today too. in chinese school in like 2nd grade i’d look up at the dirty pinkish clouds in the night and wonder why i could see them–later i found out that they were lit up because of all the light pollution we’re emitting–i’d wonder if the sun was reflecting off of other clouds, halfway around the world, or if the moon was bending its light so it would hit all the clouds on the other end of the sky. so today’s moon was stretching its silver rays, sliver by sliver, over the clouds, so they had this translucent paleness, and at teh same time, as they are every night, they were pinkly lit up by the streetlamps of this world… blending of earthly light and moonlight, background and foreground, pure white and sickly pink, it was really very pretty.

the moon is so beautiful lonely cold wistful… a moonlit beach is one of the most beautiful and surreal things… we sang on a moonlit beach during the newman retreat, which was wonderful. i love the ocean.

i haven’t written a poem since vertigo. 1.5 years now. for that matter i haven’t written any fiction or any nonfic stories or any essays, even, excepting the three that i’ve written for english classes here so far. and yet i still like to consider myself a writer. throwbacks of my identity.

i like to write monumental posts that really don’t say anything. i like listening to the sound of myself talking. in my head. i guess the rest of you can’t hear me saying this, can you? i wonder if i talk in run-on sentences, since i’ve noticed that i really do enjoy writing endlessly, clauses tangled with prepositions, commas–dashes–ellipses–semicolons–the like. and i edit myself as i write, i think tha’ts why i write soooo unbearably slow, i’ll go back and reorder my phrases and reword my arguments and consider connotations and and and, and then i’ll just give up and leave the text sitting around, leave it dangling on the side of a table, waiting to be picked up, waiting for a jump and link with its address in $ra, sitting around waiting to continue program execution… =)

i have a math midterm thursday… wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i like math. i just suck ass at math. that’s all. just a minor complication, isn’t it?

it’s halloween. HAPPY HALLOWEEN! on sproul today, decadence is doing a halloween-ish set. 6 songs… la grippe, the psychic, mysterious ways, tropicalia, ghostbusters, and fish heads! =) roly poly fish heads are never seen drinking cappuchino in italian restaurants with oriental womennnn…. yeeeeaaaahhhhh… heheeeee. we’re dressing up tomorrow too. angela is going to be a lobster. i dunno what the rest are gonna be. all i have is a witch hat. i printed out a scully badge, and i’m going to be agent scully (for the 4th year in a row? haha!!)… but i’m agent scully dressing up as a witch. so i’m scully being a witch for halloween for halloween. i’m meta-dressing-in-costume. HAHA!! i think i’m funny.

i’m such a nerd wannabe. how gross!

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