throathurtsthroathurtsthroathurts. I always do this. I throw out my voice and stomp on it, and the more I stomp the more energy it takes to get a sound out, and so the louder I yell. Classical conditioning does nothing for me. If I were a dog, I would realize by now that yelling causes pain and forgetting to eat lactaid before consuming milk gives me explosive diarrhea. If I were an oscar meyer weiner, no. Oh the levels. I had a chicken apple at top dog the other day.

throathurts. cry sob cry. I finally signed up for office hours with marika (tomorrow, 10:20am, right after mike and a while before darcy) last week, after forgetting to go to her OH for THREE WEEKS IN A ROW. No, she STILL hasn’t heard me this semester. Hi, my name is judy, and my chief trait is irresponsibility. The more kills I make, the more my level increases, allowing me to learn other abilities such as oversleeping, inventive procrastination, and stagnant oozing, which is my “ultimate” ability only available after I reach level 6. I’m sorry, you are frightened by my constant references to this game I happen to be obsessed with? I’m going to go into her office hours tomorrow and croak, and she will say, what is wrong with you? Why do you even keep singing? Why do you bother? Because the last time I sang in chorus with her (two years ago) I sat out like the entire first half of the semester because my voice was all croaky, and then I was pretty much fine for two years, and here I am running rusty nails along the walls of my voice box again. No, she won’t say that. I am exaggerating my fear. Boo. Boo on rusty nails in voice box. My bed started to creak ridiculously too, but I took the hexagon tool to it and tightened two screws in my bed and four screws in connie’s bed and oh my god are they silent now. Boo on cheapass ikea loft beds.

I seem to be gifted with the wonderful ability of not being able to tell when other people are being serious and when they are joking. Not only that, I seem to be gifted also with the inability to make clear to other people whether I am being serious or joking. I’ve gotten a few pockets of that, actually only in the direction of me-joking-but-them-thinking-I-was-being-serious. It is sad. Maybe we are all blessed with this gift. Language is so imperfect. I can never convey what I really mean and I never know what to do or say in certain situations or do anything gracefully. I don’t have enough tact when I need more, and I avoid things that should be said when they shouldn’t be avoided. In this respect I admire politicians successful at sugarcoating their words and making everybody happy. How do you find that balance between sugarcoating so as to not upset people and telling the whole unadulterated truth? Because truth is important but so is the vehicle that you get them to understand it in. How do you like your coffee? Unadulterated. And that heaven is overrated. Free association is fun. They need to hurry up and invent mind-cables. No, no, so mired in the conventional past am I, the future is wireless. Bluetooth brains.

Orkut is fun too. Message boards are fun because you get to watch other people interact with yet other people and there are snapshots of the interchange of ideas captured and frozen for you upon the screen. And lurking gives you glimpses of people that you know and their conversations that you weren’t part of. Or something, see what I mean about trying to say what I mean and failing partway? I like that ryan is so active on the kucinich board. I love him, you know. Not kucinich. Ryan. But I wish kucinich would win.

I can’t seem to uninstall mozilla firebird? It doesn’t show up in the add/remove programs dialog, and I can’t find an uninstall program. Firefox and normal Mozilla show up in the add/remove programs dialog, but not firebird. And I don’t need firebird anymore because firefox is the new version of it. Maybe it got confused because they are the same program but different versions and names. Uh or something, uh. I want a mac because then I wouldn’t have to deal with cygwin. I don’t know what I’m doing, should I inquire about getting a cs minor? How does one go about acquiring skills that one can use in the real world anyway?

Essay due in nabokov on Friday.


  1. Language-based misunderstandings are the worst, agreed. Because then it’s nobody’s fault but everyone pays the price.

    However, there’s a modicum of positivity in the fact that the imperfectness of language allows for multiple meanings when sometimes you really want there to be multiple meanings. Especially when you’re not sure what you’re trying to say.

    I guess from that it follows that humans are imperfect (duh), and that the failings of language are perhaps good camouflage for our own failings. Maybe it’s good that language is bad.

    1. It’s really hard to read your posts. I think you need to read some really clean, descriptive, thoughtful prose (Ernest Hemingway, Edmund Wilson, Peter Matthiesen).

      1. Actually, Hemingway is on my reading list :)…
        There’s not much I can do about my posts, though, as they’re pretty much stream-of-consciousness translations. I guess if I really started revising or thinking about them it would be better. But then I’d be too lazy to every write any 🙂

          1. haha seems like we’ve both done this today to each other :). the reply-to thing was a bit confusing.

            however, i like her style, which is even more stream-of-consciousness than mine. somehow i find it very natural to read.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *