I’m listening to Holiday from some neighbor’s stereo. Windows make a really big difference. Mine are open now (the repair man fixed the one in my room recently) and I can hear everything people in the next houses do. They call for their cats, leave for class, come back from class, listen to extravagantly loud hip hop when they park their cars in the driveway, stomp around, and slam doors. Wow! People! Observe them in their natural habitat.

I’ve taken to sleeping with the curtain open wide because then I wake up when the sun shines on my face. And being awake in the day is a lot better than being asleep during the day. Maybe thinner curtains that make it so the entire world won’t have to see the disarray of my room and the sacredness of my sleeping form yet force some daylight into my life and wakefulness into my mornings.

Just now I was all excited to make some rice, haven’t used my rice cooker in months, washed it and made a space for it and everything, and was going to eat it with some cold-dish-sauce-vegetables-meat-boiled-beans safely ensconced in tupperware that my grandma cooked for us when she was in california, only to find that I had no rice. NO RICE I SAY! Once I had to restart Warcraft because I couldn’t type anything and when I came back the following conversation ensued:
me: had to restart my computer. i think i pressed some key combination that locked my keyboard into chinese mode, but i don’t know what it is, so i didn’t know how to reverse it.
someone else: fob
me (typed before the response came up): i don’t even know why i have chinese-input software on my computer. i can’t even read chinese.
someone else: lol whitewash
I fail. No rice. I could have sworn there was white rice and brown rice at my old apartment, did they get taken home or left there or something? Also the top drawer where I dumped all the spices smells very very strongly of Indian food. Some days I am tempted to try a spoonful; that would ensure hilarity. Or paint with it or something, it’s so strongly colorful.

I post a lot like this when I’m lonely and depressed and want nothing more than for everyone to tell me “it’s ok, things will turn out all right, because I have a magical baton of ‘make all your problems go away’ and now you can sit here and read the whole internet in peace” (seriously the other day I but can’t talk to anyone in person (or even voice-to, um, voice, or text…ly) because I can’t face them/you all. By way of public confessional I haven’t gone to many classes and don’t have this 8-unit thing squared away and http://ls-advise.berkeley.edu/faq/enroll13.html says nothing about deadlines for getting it squared away and I have a midterm next Thursday and today’s the “fifth week add/drop deadline” and I feel a little loopy. And a little hysterical (but when am I not, really, very extreme, very sudden ups and downs) and really lonely. It’s like I don’t even know who I am or what I want to be. Nihilist.


  1. I’d suggest some sheer curtains, kinda the gauzy-looking ones. If the light source is outside, it’s almost impossible to see in, but light comes through clearly. At night, though, if the light source is inside, they’re not as good. But if you don’t have lights on when you sleep, it’d be fine.

    1. Yah! Maybe I can do a double-layer for when I want it to be all closed off or something.

      Right now on my other window I have paper taped up to it, to let in light but block direct sunlight. (It’s high up so I don’t have to worry about people seeing in or anything, but the sunlight makes it so I can’t see my computer screen.)

  2. I just talked to Derek last week; I didn’t even realize he’d up and moved to NY! Where are you living now?

    That last paragraph… I feel ya. Just hang in there, take care of the little crap deadlines one step at a time.

      1. Yeah, I hope they can do well out there. I referred him to one of my producer friends who is in the area; hopefully they can meet up or something.

        Do you like your new place?

  3. I am going to stalk you after salsa tonight. I am bringing my magical baton of ‘hit judy over the head until she agrees to come eat dim sum with me.’ Be warned.

  4. It is OK to not have rice. Much of the internet does not have rice. Magical wish fulfilment baton does not have rice, although I suppose it could grant you some if that was your wish.

  5. you can have some rice from my place if you want. i think i have more than i can handle at the moment.
    Tried calling you yesterday to talk about band-ing. Meet soon?

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