i wrote this a day and a half ago and never posted it for some reason. thank goodness for lj’s web form’s autosave function!
1. I’ve gone mad.
2. I had a pumpkin spice latte in the early morning. I like pumpkins.
3. Speaking of pumpkins, I think I’ll be a hyperintelligent shade of blue. I’ll attach some strings to some sticks in the shape of a prism around myself, maybe cover some (not all) of the panels with plastic wrap.
4. California, California, you’re such a wonder that I think I’ll stay in bed.
6. King Arthur was a boatload of fun. Go darcydodo!
-I got a ticket half an hour before the show. It was the last $42 (21 w/ student id!) ticket and it was actually a handicapped spot in the last row in the very back corner that didn’t get bought so they put a folding chair there for me. Awesome!
-I don’t know anything about the mark morris dance group despite hearing the name and peopel talking about the hard nut; I was more curious about the music part (not that I know anything about music of that era either). Immediately before the show, heard hype on the street (Durant) both ways (“I LOVE mark morris!” “I HATE mark morris! It’s not dance!” “Oh you don’t want to miss this show. I saw it yesterday and I’m back to buy tickets for tonight because I have to see it again it’s amazing!”) so I was properly intrigued before it began. And then the singers came onstage in a mishmash of street clothes and stage props and sat on folding chairs, something I could relate to at that moment, and it was so gleeful and carefree that I was drawn to it.
-I liked the weaving through doors/mirrors, the maypole, the refrigerator!!! I was extremely delighted by what I will call chinese ribbon dancing at the end, because I did chinese ribbon dancing (ours were red). Call me ignorant, uncultured, but I enjoy gimmicks (gimmickry? I guess I try that because of “mimicry”), cheekiness.
7. computer very much all kinds of dead.
8. sdfg
—-end—- notes from a few days ago

Sufjan Stevens! I saw him tonight at Zellerbach. He performed with an eight-piece string section, three horns, a drummer, two people who switched off with him on piano and played electric guitar, acoustic guitar, piano, triangle, and an unidentifiable instrument inside a wooden box,


A TWENTY-FIVE PERSON CHORUS! They were from the pacific mozart ensemble (thank you the internet; I knew to look because he mentioned that during the concert). Also, zellerbach is nice. I was in the last row of the balcony, but I like being on an upper level–you can see more that way. Someone I talked to who sat in the orchestra couldn’t see the dummer banging the gong like I could. Yes, the drum kit had A GONG.

Everything was beautifully orchestrated. The sound was huge, as expected–sometimes it was almost too loud. During a few songs there were dissonant cacophonic bits that dissolved into a mew and one piano chord and it made every hair on your body stand on end. The one about the bird was so beautiful. The backdrop stuff was mellow without being boring, pretty but not cliche, down-to-earth but not feigned-so. I was telling j that of course I would like this stuff, because for a while I kept talking about how much I hated that trend in certain indie circles where they feign perfunctoriness to make it “sound more real,” where they sing out of tune on purpose to make it sound more casual, where everything’s lackadaisacal to make it more “genuine,” and having 8+3+1+2+25 people on stage with you is anything but lackadaisacal or perfunctory, but it was every bit as geniune and deep and even “casual” (in the sense of the vibe–they hung out, they had fun, they switched piano-banjo-guitar mid-song, people walked back and forth across the stage to switch violin and electric guitar, the chorus even shimmied on their own). I like that he’s not afraid to show how much effort really goes into it, instead of spending effort to make it look like it’s effortless. Obviously I haven’t slept for a while and I’ve slipped off into a bit of a stream of consiousness, but that can’t be helped.

more notes, written now:
1. there is no way for it to be physically possible that i am awake. since 6:30pm on tuesday, i slept from 12:30am to 3:30am, then 6:30pm to 8:15pm. so that’s 5 hours of sleep in 34 hours? i can’t even count. and not that many hours of sleep in the 34 hours before those, either. it’s not that i’m not tired, i just can’t sleep.
2. j says failure is just a word i hide behind.
3. i’ve uttered the words “death cab is ok, but that guy’s voice is so sweet. i tire of the cloying after a while” and i guess that’s what i think even though i still have a favorable opinion of them. his voice is just really sweet. too much so. sufjan’s voice is pretty sweet, too, actually, but i think it’s somehow less grating; i didn’t notice ’til just now (second play-through of avalanche). i am trying to figure out why it would annoy me in death cab but not here. it’s not that sufjan is more breathy, although sometimes he is; the death cab guy sings in a whisper as well. what is this “sweetness” i’m talking about anyway? it’s a bit of a nasal quality, or a sharp tone (sharp as in “not open/round/ragged/dull”)… or is it more to do with the vowels? ryan of guster is sweetly nasalish but he’s not annoying at all. i could never be annoyed. same for ben folds, his voice has a sweet quality but the attitude he employs is not “sweet” so he’s not annoying either. actually my own ryan’s voice is pretty sweet, too. it sounds high, and sometimes i feel like i’m talking at a lower pitch than him, but it’s just an illusion. you know what? it’s because it sounds like the death cab guy takes himself really really really seriously or something. he sounds sad, like the weight of the world is on his shoulders, while sufjan sounds meditative, more like he’s telling a story, rather than whining about how sad he is. oh, i don’t know what it is
4. today i was in ang’s film. it was fun. i fell asleep on a plate (not lying). i wore many different pairs of earrings because lately i have remembered that i have ear holes, mostly because of ryan. i sang teh pwnerer song with someone suspenders-clad who’s played since the closed beta but has no 60s, which baffles me considerably. my co-star (el oh el) wore a kilt. i think it said “utili-kilt” on the back. his favorite role is mercutio; when he asked what my dream role was i had nothing for him so instead i explained that i wasn’t an actor. i think i’ve always wanted to be on stage but i can’t act since i’m really emotionally transparent, so i wouldn’t be able to play anybody but myself, and in the end i am familiar with very few musicals and no plays, so that’s why i like singing. angela’s assessment of the day will be very different, because she had to run around and actually do work and collaborate with people and have opinions on things and tell people what to do. all i had to do was moon about and not fall asleep standing up. angela knows a lot about things all of a sudden. i watched them scurry about producing giant stands and lights and colors out of thin air and then saying things like “3.2” and “3.6” over and over again and pressing small buttons on a large camera and having verbal wrestling matches with a commanding if slightly airheaded instructor. i have no experience in any physical training like this, doing things with my hands or with bodies in space. like, i think of “studying” as learning really specific things in my mind, memorization and recall of ideas, grouping ideas together, making connections between ideas, so i… actually that’s a blatant lie. i took dance lessons for like 15 years. what the hell am i saying? and i was going to say something about blending stuff in your mind with physical coordination like playing an instrument and then i realized i had actually forgotten that i can play the piano. that’s something extremely technical and physical. so i totally do have experience with using my mind while doing something in space. i just forgot that i did because i haven’t for 6 years. okay, this is what happens when you don’t sleep for a long time.


  1. wait… you saw mark morris????
    I meant to see their Hard Nut like every year they were at Berekeley. They even guest taught a couple of our dance classes. Then when I finally thought, ok, THIS YEAR i will go, they didn’t come to Zellerbach. damn.

    hahahha I know “a lot about things all of a sudden”. Did you like how the instructor made me be director for our very first scene, even though i didn’t know wtf i was doing?

    I’m glad you had fun. =) I had fun too, though i definitely had my impatient and stressful moments. We have so many more scenes to shoot!! AAAAUUUGHHH! But I don’t want that to stress you guys out. You and Pete are doing great. yay!!

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