i’ve made mistakes and i keep making the same ones, like not getting out of bed until it’s too late to do anything useful. father peter always says “judy, you have this tape playing in your head that says ‘i am a bad person, i suck.’ you need to get rid of that tape. you are not a ‘bad person’ just because you do something bad.”

then there are some who say that your actions define who or what you are and that what you think really doesn’t matter.

they are rebuilding a fence by the tennis courts at the driveway that comes out of the school to oxford. they are done with one panel on the right side, and it is bright yellow wood, straight and tall. the left side is a skeleton where there used to be a gross pile of blackened wood sagging into the undergrowth. you can see the uneven stone walls behind it. i guess they build gigantic wooden fences there just for aesthetic purposes. or maybe stone walls are easier to climb than flat splinterful wooden ones.

two weekends ago i went on retreat with newman. we always have spring retreat at diamond arrow retreat center in nevada city. when i visited ryan at nevada city over the summer, we drove past diamond arrow on our way to the south yuba river. the first time i went on a newman retreat, two years ago at nevada city, it snowed. it snowed huge fat flakes, slow, dusting everything, it collected on the dips and valleys of your sleeves when you held your arms out. it was nice.

that sunday i also went to decadence retreat, which was an afternoon of choreo-learning. we also got angela’s new song.

last wednesday (a week ago today) i went to hear edward said speak in zellerbach. my former suitemate krista wrote this daily cal article on it.

—-comment: most of the above was written about a week ago. i then discovered the “save draft” option in semagic, hooray. i shall continue now.

last weekend decadence went down to LA for an a cappella festival hosted by UCLA’s random voices.

—-another comment: wow, check out google’s front page icon-thing. is that a granite statue?

so anyway the a cappella festival. it was at UCLA. it was on saturday. the weather was great. there was an afternoon concert/picnic/mingling time in the afternoon where we sat in the sun and watched each other perform. it was long, but it was a lot of fun. the night concert was good too. i bumped into doris who was coming back from meeting with her psych group or something. i wish i was more awake in general–i’d forgotten i was leaving for LA until the morning of the trip. we drove down friday, stayed at angela’s parents’ house (ah, tour from last year), etc. mike b came to watch us on saturday. let’s see how disjointed i can make this. jeyling is in the random voices! that was fun! i hadn’t seen her for so long! oh the memories…

i went to ash wednesday mass on campus at noon today. pauley ballroom. great music, miriam and chongai. great homily, father p. [[paradox between gospel reading for ash wednesday (don’t be like the hypocrites who do acts of religious piety only to be seen) on the day when catholics are most conspicuous and walk around with smudges on their foreheads–hey i learned that ashes come from palms from the palm sunday the year before–thought of having no ashes, ie, interpreting gospel literally, then having a vision: daily cal headline tomorrow says “priest lynched by angry congregation–his last words were ‘i was only kidding’…”]] later people told me i had crap on my forehead. i bought some ice cream for later at ben and jerry’s and i said to the person working there “hey did you go to the one on campus today?” indicating my forehead cuz i saw the telltale smudge there too and she said “yeah! that one’s my favorite. that priest at the mass” and i said “father peter? yeah he’s awesome.” newman is a HUGE community and i will NEVER even begin to know many of the people there. i’m so grateful for those i do know. i think for Lent i will become vegetarian. ryan says i might regret it because i might just not be able to stop. i highly doubt that though. mm, baby back ribs.

i have a midterm at 330pm today. i give up. on this journal entry i mean.

cute but psycho
you are the cute but psycho happy bunny. You
adorable, but a little out there. It’s alright,
you might not have it all, but there are worse

which happy bunny are you?
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