once i read that sometimes children will pee in their pants or have bowel movements onto the floor in reaction to strict parents because their waste something that only they have control over, so they’ll exercise that control when they feel not-in-control because it will make them feel in-control again.

maybe my absolute non-acceptance of people telling me what to do and when to do it by is some absurd way of having control over my “destiny.” like, “well, i don’t want to get this paper done by wednesday, only because i have been told to get it done wednesday! if i don’t get it done, at least it will be my own decision and i will be in-control!”

haha, yeah right. rationalize away, you idiot. i want so much to just have some kind of psychological problem to rationalize my behavior away. “oh it’s okay for me to behave like this, i have such-and-such disorder!” but that’s just terrible. and who am i kidding? i’m perfectly normal, a well-adjusted, social, outgoing people person. ha! hey, maybe wanting to have a psychological disorder is a psychological disorder!! cool!

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