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I have 22 students. They are 11 years old, mostly. They are awfully cute and I’m getting really attached to them.

I’m really tired all the time.

Other than teaching, I’m miserable. The organizations we’ve gone through to get here are really shady, and basically some businessman is exploiting us volunteers for as much as he can. English teaching is a lucrative business here. Never come here has a volunteer. You will get fucked. I wouldn’t mind coming back here for a year or something to teach English and get paid, but I’m miserable right now.
1. I’m stressed because the Chinese people in charge of the school and in charge of us here don’t want us to speak Chinese in the classroom, and they’d send me back to America if they found out I could understand and speak, so when they’re around I have to pretend I don’t understand. That is hard. And I hate not being able to use Chinese; it just makes everything SO MUCH FUCKING EASIER.

2. I hate the guy in charge. I HATE HIM. Take everything bad you can think of about chinese culture and distill it, and you get him. I HATE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH.
a. he is racist, and blatantly so. he kisses ass like nothing else to white people, and he treats us asians like fucking shit. and yes, he is chinese.
b. he’s shady. like, he wanted us to lie to our students and say that we weren’t all university students (which we are, or recent graduates) because his advertisement said we’d be credentialed teachers. all kinds of shadiness.
c. he’s exploiting us.
d. he hits his daughter.
I’m fucking angry about this whole thing, not even just EG’s fucking incompetence, but I’m also too fucking tired to list examples. I’m really upset.

3. Ryan hurt me by flirting with another girl. It is hard to trust someone and hard to get along with someone after they give a blatant show of insensitivity, obliviousness, and inability to control themselves.

I am fucking miserable, ok?

I hate myself. I should be saying things like “this is great. i love being in another country. it is an eye-opening experience, though i feel lucky that my home is in america. even though people here make me sick, i should realize that it is just their culture and it is going to do no good to continue to be hysterically angry about it all the time. the food is great. i’m having the time of my life.” But instead all I can do is be miserable.