yuukai (11:46:42 PM): Exploding Starred and feath-herd of cattle-pult-er-geiced-tea-ring wheel
I’ll be dar-ned’s book storange counting to ten your own horn-et’s
nestraighten up and fly ritemiz-ipper is undone-eath the car-ton of sour
CREAMTURE’s aliva va voom-pa loompastrami sandwitchy the swordfishmael’s
categoreese’s pieces of an exploding star
it’s a little difficult to follow, i know, but if you were there, you’d understand that we were playing that game where you start off with a phrase and the next person uses the last sounds of the phrase to make a new one. other car games included telling each other stupid “i don’t know” jokes that started off with the tried-and-true: what do you call a deer with no eyes? no ideer. what do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? still no ideer. what do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no genitalia? still no fucking ideer.
what do you call a round pastry on top of a steven king novel? i donut-de-stand. what does a confused electrical repairman say? watt? what do you say when you’re a clerk in a game store and you’ve run out of a customer’s favorite came? no clue!
we also listened to porcupine tree, stuck our arms out of the windows and flapped (coordination is key. when turning, you must bank accordingly), and played mental jeapordy. we said “look! a tree! whoa.” in unison several times.
of course in other cars there was the famous “lo le lo le lo le la” rhyming. the only significant one i remember is “peter is now riding bitch, wonders if you’d like to switch, lo le lo le lo le la, lo le lo le lo le la.” if you can think of any more please leave them in the comments. this of course is only due to elanor’s away message. what a poor memory i have.
and i held feet with ryan at rutabaga’s for the first time. ah, tour.
elanor reminded me that george sent us an email documenting our experiences. including playing wise & otherwise! hahahahaahahahaha. and look, i figured out how to use lj-cut! but now how to make a link yet. i only get the generic “read more” thing. so click it –>
From: George Fan
Subject: Wise & Otherwise
First of all, what an awesome tour that was.
Second of all, you guys did GREAT.
Third of all, I’m so glad you came too, Alan.
Fourth of all, everyone must check out http://www.homestarrunner.com/cantsayjob.html.
Fifth of all, people in the George-mobile, check the bottom of this email for “exploding star” and “dinosaur adventure” transcripts.
Sixth of all, I present you the best of Wise & Otherwise:
Every snipe praises… the one who snipes them, but they can only say “guh-“, cause they are dying from the gunshot wound.
A man with soft ears is sure to… lose the ear-butting contest
Beware of a… woman
Beware of a… dwelling from which no smoke rises.
Give your tongue more… rights! Like, the right to bear arms! Tongues need to defend themselves too!
Give your tongue more… blah blah blah bleh bleh pfffffft!
Go and fry the pumpkinseed and… the pumpkin
Love or fire in your trousers… can only be quenched by a salmon.
Different holes have… different closeness of resemblance to the late Rutherford B. Hayes.
Different holes have… different things in them. One has a pitchfork with a goosehead stuck on it. The other, ANTHRAX!
Different holes have… different moles lol le lol le lol le lol
He moves like a… mongoose? How the hell should I know? Git back in yer cell! Don’t make me go get the hose again.
He moves like a… Mysterious Ways.
He moves like a… snakedy snake snake snaky snake snake snakedy snake snake snaky
The dog mutters… “I can’t believe it’s not sheep! BAAA”
The dog mutters… which is really annoying. Don’t let your friends trick you into getting one- they’re annoying.
The dog mutters… gurr hrmpl splg [mumble this]
The dog mutters… when it damn well pleases. Why do you think you can make the dog mutter whenever you want? You don’t control it! You don’t control the world! I hate you!
Give your brother the… house and the car and your wife and the big purple penis and the matzo balls and the snakedy snake snake snaky snake snakedy snake and the third toenail of the left foot.
Give your brother the… cow with the crumpled horn, who kicked the dog who bit the porpoise who killed the hamster who ate the fried pumpkin seeds.
The lion sleeps with… a nightlight on, because it is afraid of the dark.
If a man says he’s going to swallow his axe… make sure to axe his swallow. Poor, poor swallow!
If a man says he’s going to swallow his axe… his roadie should be prepared with a replacement
If a man says he’s going to swallow his axe… tell him “go ahead, you racist bastard! I’d like to see you try. Eat it! Eat it! Snakedy snake snake snake snaky snake snakedy snake snake snake.”
The eater of pancakes counts not.. the number of blueberries on it because by the time you’re finished, breakfast is over!!
The gardener’s dog does not eat lettuce, because he did not guard the lettuce from the rabbit- who ate it.
Every pig has… roast beef, except Martha, who has none.
After eating 900 rats, the cat is now… a poor fit for the door
After eating 900 rats, the cat is now… great dessert!
After eating 900 rats, the cat is now… their equal.
Big stones are… always harbingers of doom. Like the Haley’s comet thing, remember? My dog died that same week.
Big stones are… liable to spring like gazelles from the mountaintops, only to break many windshields.
Big stones are… in my way, goddamnit!
Big stones are… too burdensome for some weak-minded woman to carry. After all, she’s just a woman!
Big stones are… in my kidneys. Woe is me and my big stones.
Big stones are… good insurance against Jehovah’s witnesses
While the sheep bleats… his heart is secretly yearning for Ireland.
While the sheep bleats… my sleeploss grows because I’m trying to count the friggin’ sheep to get to sleep, but I can’t because it’s bleating.
While the sheep bleats… eat it.
At the end of the game… Alan & Mike are the winners! Aw yeah! Kiss our butts! We’re the best! Aw yeah!
At the end of the game… the winners eat the faces of the losers
At the end of the game… the world shall end.” thus sayeth the men of Snakeys, I, Alan Coyne, and I, Mike Barrientos… snakedy… snake… snake.
At the end of the game… I’m sorry, but our princess is in another castle!
At the end of the game… you can shake the other team’s hands and say “good game,” or you can kill them
At the end of the game… I will make everyone eat loquats and I will say “loquat loquat loquat loquat loquat”
All shake the… loquat tree, but only I will get the loquats!
All shake the… shakedy shake shake shaky shake shake shakedy shake shake… shaky!
All shake the… mighty Jell-O god. Bow before his lime-green prowess.
All shake the… hey, did you realize how similar “shake” is to “snake?” shakedy shake shake shakey, la la la
All shake the… booty [Ryan] yeah, yeah [Paul] cos Ryan C’s A cutie [Ryan] hellz yeah [Paul] he’s a sex machine [Ryan] gonna keep it clean [Paul] humpin’ his hoes to [Both] Cosi Fan Tulti
It’s not a fish until… it is taken apart piece by piece, fin by fin, scale by scale, and then collected into a small pile and burned
It’s not a fish until… it shakedy snakes, eats loquats, thinks Ryan is a sex machine, has scales, strips, takes off its pants for $300, develops fins, and cares only about winning, hellz yeah.
It’s not a fish until… [Lisa] Steve, do fish turn you on? [Steve] Only salmon shaped like penises [Lisa] Why, that’s what my clitoris looks like! [Lisa and Steve mime having passionate sex]
It’s not a fish until… it’s eaten 900 rats
It’s not a fish until… [Steve reads] it’s gotta swim while birds gotta fly. But I’ll love many men before I die… MANY men.
If you find them worshipping a donkey… how would you like to ride on your own ass?
If you find them worshipping a donkey… they have clearly lost the way- for only fools would worship a jackass, you fucking idiots!
If you find them worshipping a donkey… you know Ryan C is a bomb-ass honkey, he eats loquats raw, lol lol lol lol lol lol lol pimpin’ his bitches and gettin’ real fonky.
If you find them worshipping a donkey… take off all your clothes. Here, let me demonstrate [Angela strips]
If you find them worshipping a donkey… go up to them, tap the closest one on the shoulder, and say, “you’re all going to hell!”
On a slimy shore, it is easy to… slip and slide, without purchasing a “slip n’ slide.”
On a slimy shore, it is easy to… fall into the deep blue sea and be eaten by the large shark who will mistake you for a little BERRY
On a slimy shore, it is easy to… slip and fall and break your neck and be picked up by a helicopter and dropped into a volcano which erupts in your face and melts your head
On a slimy shore, it is easy to… get slimy, as slimy as a sssssssssss.
On a slimy shore, it is easy to… quickly become queasy. Lol le lol le lol le lol
On a slimy shore, it is easy to… be a snakedy snake snake snakey snake snakedy snake snake snake.
Judy the Pterodactyl
Ability: Swooping down while screaming “Lol le lol le lol le lol!!!”, pulling a fish out of anything.
Shining moment: Making a bridge completely out of fish
Ramon the Stegosaurus
Ability: Playing music using plates on his back much like a xylophone.
Shining moment: Distracting the guard at Safeway by playing showtunes on his back
Elanor the Egg-stealing dinosaur
Ability: FRENZY attack
Shining moment: Launching frenzy attack on poor unsuspecting dog skeleton wearing a Met’s cap.
Mike the Ankylosaurus
Ability: Can hide in shell like a turtle, tail can detach and function as its own entity.
Shining moment: When the meteor monster ate Mike, he was still able to live through his detached tail.
Snakedy snaching heartburning building with people falling outcast you into oblivi-on the rocks, paper, sciss-or elsewhear by my life insuranswer me right now or go to hellp is on the wayke-ning dynastea time is at two birds in a treat yourself to a hot fudge sundate line 2000 isl-and they lived happily ever afturn around and smack shanshan’s be-Heinz fifty-sevenetian blinds leading the blindstien has fuzzy hair out the bathr-umlaut the door, baby-C-D-E-F-Genie in a bottold you that room had snakes!
Be excellent to each o-thermal underwe-aerodynamic de-sign-feld-spargentian bullfigh-ternabout is fair play-ing low rid-ergono-mictourette’s syndromedary camulholland dri’ve got a lovely bunch of coco-nazi’s and commies and door to door salesmen
Exploding Starred and feath-herd of cattle-pult-er-geiced-tea-ring wheel I’ll be dar-ned’s book storange counting to ten your own horn-et’s nestraighten up and fly ritemiz-ipper is undone-eath the car-ton of sour CREAMTURE’s aliva va voom-pa loompastrami sandwitchy the swordfishmael’s categoreese’s pieces of an exploding star