tuna out of water

Dear Livejournal,

I moved to San Francisco. It’s a three-bedroom, two-bathroom apartment; last year at this time Dylan and Fritz were in one room with the bathroom, Jenni was in one room, and Lindsay was in the third room. After Lindsay, there was Nate for a few months, and after Nate was Sarah, who they found on Craigslist when Nate left. Dylan just moved to New York for work, so I’m filling his place and sharing a room with Fritz. Sarah has been in the apartment for a few months now, and her friend Chandra just moved in because Jenni left to move in with Scott.

We are now three girls and one boy, and here I would like to say to you that no more than 25% of this house likes penis. I want to raise my freak flag higher and higher. Sarah organized a party for their friend Nikki last night. It was crazy. It was Wednesday, but still crazy. I’m sure our upstairs neighbors love us even more now. So it was interesting. I don’t know much about the world of crazy parties, and I don’t know much about the world of young (20 and 22 years old my god!) San Francisco bay area lesbians who like to have crazy parties. I have, in one night, gone from never before partied with a lot of girls making out with each other to partying with a lot of girls making out with each other. Here is what my apartment looked like twelve hours ago (probably not really safe for work shenanigans):

This is Chandra. I’ve lived with her for all of three days and already I love her. She was kind enough to be our guide. “You learn to love it.” Yes, that is a pole to dance on. They set up a pole in our living room. They had multiple poles, in fact.

Also, they got a keg. Why do they hold people upside down to drink out of a keg? This happened repeatedly throughout the night. They called themselves frat boys. I find this hilarious.

The cake was a series of cupcakes. I don’t even know who made them. I got there at like 11:30pm cuz I didn’t leave Eudemonia ‘til like 10:15. As you can see, the theme of the party was pink and black. People rocked pink suspenders and there was one girl in a frilly furry dress concoction. She was awesome. No picture though.

So here we are. I am posting this picture because it makes me look like I’m holding my head in shame. But it is not so dire. I was just brushing my hair out of the way. There were also lapdances.

Nobody minded our straight corner. Though there was one girl (who was “rolling” on “molly”) (these are “in quotes” because they are new terms to me) that said to Fritz: “I think we should make out.” Fritz said “I don’t think we should make out.” Then she tried making out with the two of us at the same time. We gave her a three-way-kiss, sort of, and then I said “I’m eating a sandwich do you want some?” (I was, in fact, in mid-chew of a large bite of peanut butter honey) and she finally released us. That’s right, people: Fritz is so hot that lesbians want to make out with him. Anyway then she took off her shirt. What do you do when there are people on E and they take off their shirt? “Dude, you’re naked.” “And your point is?”

Other overheard bits: A: (total nonsequitur) I didn’t choose this life. I didn’t choose any of it. B: Dude, what are you talking about? A: I was born this way. B: Are you talking about ladies? A: Didn’t choose this life. C: That is such news to me. D: Whatever. You know she’s knee-deep in pussy. A: I’m knee-deep in pussy!!!!!!

Supportive high people, episode one: X: Where’s my bitch?! Y: You’re my bitch! X: No, where’s MY bitch? Oh my bitch is sleeping over there. I’m your bitch though. How sad! I’m her bitch! (wails) Z: You’re NOBODY’S bitch, all right? Got it? Nobody’s! X: I’m her bitch! Z: Unless you like it. Then it’s okay.

This morning, one of them went down the street and got fruit and made fruit salad. Then they did shrooms. I woke up and cleaned the kitchen because… because… I don’t know why. I’m going to talk to them again about cigarette smoke in the house, though, because it makes me =( when my clothes smell like cigarette smoke, and 50% of us are nonsmokers, and that’s really the only thing that bothers me about this whole thing. (Unless this starts happening every day and I feel like I can never use the common areas, but I’m assuming huge parties like are only for special occasions). Anyway, here they are this morning, on shrooms:

Right now Chandra’s out to buy some bearded dragons. I feel I have stepped into some kind of alternate universe, and it’s only Thursday.

Chandra’s girlfriend is named Sashee (no idea how to spell it) and she’s a really cool girl. She’s multitalented–Chandra got her to share some of her poetry with us, she does slams and stuff, and apparently she’s an amazing singer. We talked for a while about poetry. So I’m pretty intimidated by big parties, right, tuna out of water and all that, but the refreshing thing is that people are still innocent and they still love life and are unafraid to express themselves and they say things like “what are some lines that, to you, represent what that poet is all about?” and I recited some lines from j. alfred prufrock which probably is a poem that like changed my life in like 2000, and that’s nice because, you know, we were unabashed. Anyway, she was really excited to talk to me and Fritz and she kept saying that she and Chandra have been dying to meet another couple that wasn’t just into getting drunk every day. So, different worlds colliding and all that. Privately, I get the sense (well ok from Sashee telling us over and over again how much she’d been dying to meet a couple like us hahah) that we’re kind of a breath of fresh air, at least partly because Fritz doesn’t have a vagina and even though I do, I’m really quite straight and nerdy so there isn’t any handing off of each others’ partners going on… she said to me kind of randomly in the middle of the party, “all these people (waving her hand around the room) are all into polyamory…” and when I asked if she was (cuz I didn’t know what else to say?) she delivered a very vehement no. Peering into a different world I guess. It’s tempting to guess things that are going on in other peoples’ heads when they reveal things to you because they are inebriated and you are an outsider and they can air some things but who knows how off the mark I am.

Anyway so I still haven’t really had any good conversations with Sarah, but I like Chandra. Apparently she used to own flying squirrels. I did not know that flying squirrels were legal to own in the US.

Edited to add: It’s almost 6pm now. I just went outside my room cuz it’s quiet out there now, and was gonna maybe pick up the living room or at least air it out… I went to re-open the windows and was there before I noticed 5 girls spread out on our couches, totally asleep. Haha.

In conclusion, I love San Francisco. ~judy